Pity Party

Historically, I love the holidays. The food, the smells, the fellowship - the entire months of November and December are a constant state of "warm & fuzzy." Since the start of the month, I've been waiting on the excitement in me to come. It's deep down somewhere I can feel it, but it just won't surface. Sort of like when you want to cry, I mean really belly-cry-your-eyes-out kind of cry, but you just can't muster up the tears. Your mind and emotions are ready but something is missing to make it happen. Well, I'm afraid our 2011 journey has beaten the spirit right out of me and it's impossible for me to dig deep enough to find my holiday excitement. Last year's Thanksgiving and Christmas were dreadful; tainted by the anticipation and preparation of a 1,000 mile move and a husband who had already relocated. The Christmas before that was spent in transition living with my parents while we remodeled a house. This makes the 3rd Christmas in a row I won't get to unpack my decorations and sprinkle Christmas spirit all around our house. But wait, we don't have a house right now so I suppose that's a moot point. That brings a whole new bag of guilt. My children don't have their own room to sleep in, their own yard to play in or their own fireplace to hang their stockings on. Our life is just messed up right now and I am smack dab in the middle of a pity party. (The post title warned of this.) If you're reading this and rolling your eyes, I totally don't blame you. I know that God is still in control, my children are healthy and my loved ones are safe & near; I acknowledge these are the things that REALLY matter in life. So I promise to put my big girl panties on and wake up on the other side of the bed tomorrow. However, if you're reading this and you have the time to whisper a prayer for me, please do. I really need God to give me an extra dose of contentment and faith right now because I'm running on empty.